Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Help!

Desperate mother of 6 seeks tips for suriving the sweltering heat wave without AC. Here's what we've done so far,

Starbucks, but I can't just sit there all day and not order anything.
So we went to the library, they let you sit there all day.
But the electricity went out, so they sent everyone home.
So we went to the community sprinkler park,
Until sunburn threatened to take over my farmers tan.
So we went to Max and Erma's and spent way too much on dinner, but fast food was a little too fast for us.
Then we went to gorcery store #1 to get ice cream. They were out of everything but Hagen-Daz. Not to complain, that meant more time in the van which has AC.
So we went to grocery store #2. Score! They had a huge bucket of Neopolitan on sale.
Hubby makes shakes for all takers. Body temps finally return to "normal" range.
Pretend to sleep.
Wake up and stand in front of the open freezer to cool off until the condensation begins to form puddles at my feet.
Drove to Wal Mart and tried on clothes until the manager started suspecting us of shoplifting.
Bought Slurpees for the third time in 24 hours. Sympathetic to our plight, they made us members of the frequent Slurpers Club and gave us one for free!
There were also a few hose fights thrown in there somewhere.
Any more suggestions?
I thought about pretending to have a kidney stone and spend the night in the hospital, but I'm not sure our insurance would cover it and insurance fraud is a crime anyway. And now that I've confessed my sinister plans here, they'd have too much evidence for a "not guilty" plea. Of course, there's always the "not guilty by reason of insanity" defense. That may work given my delirious state and the pure nonsense of this post. I think I could get a jury to buy that don't you?
And then there's always hijacking the ice cream truck. We were almost successful once when I was a kid. Oops there I go, incriminating myself again. I better stop now.

Sympathy, suggestions and Starbucks cards gladly accepted!

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