This is the second part of my marriage testimony. For part one click here.
Our pastor was teaching a series on the Ten Commandments. He was up to the third commandment "Thou shall not make any graven images" The sermon the sermon was about idols and how God desires our whole heart. I listened and took a few notes but I can't say that I was moved to any notable actions. At least not that morning.
The next day, I pulled out my sermon notes. I reread them and looked up the scripture reference. After a few minutes, I offered up a half hearted prayer. "Lord, if I have any idols please reveal them and break them. Amen." I didn't really believe that I did. But God thought otherwise.
God revealed to me that morning in a way that only God can. I had an idol. It was a big one and God wanted to shatter it.
My image of my family. Gulp!
My family had become an idol to me. It was true. I didn't want to believe it but truth is truth whether we want to believe it or not. What was I supposed to do now? The only thing I knew to do. Seek forgiveness from a holy God and know that when we confess he is faithful to forgive. So I did. But what next? I also realized that the fruit of this sin was creating situations in the home that were not right.
I was leading my home.
I was stealing from Steve the joy of raising his children.
I was to wait upon his direction about how things are to be for our homeschooling and our family.
Gulp! Gulp! Double gulp! I was to go to Steve and let him in on what God had shown me. Now, going to God was one thing. But how do you tell your husband this and ask forgiveness? Steve's a great guy but what did he know that I didn't about how to raise a family. After all, I was the one who read all the child training books. Besides, wasn't this partly his fault too! And what did any of this have to do with my son's anger problem anyway?
I pondered all of this for a few days. I slowly convinced myself that it wasn't as bad as I thought. The children were doing fine for the most part. Steve would forgive me and probably say that I'm doing a great job. Don't be too hard on yourself. All is well! Good job honey and all that.
He didn't say any of that. He looked at me, forgave me, and then said, "Well, if that's what God is showing you then I better pray." That's it. He was going to pray. And what was I supposed to do?
God said to wait for his Steve's direction. Wait. But for how long?
Got to Part 2b